Posted on August 13, 2012
I am Healthy. I am Strong.
Glory and thanks be to God for healing me, giving me strength to place one foot in front of the other. He placed special people in my life that never gave up on me, there are people that prayed for me even when I didn’t know it.
It’s been a very long time since my last post. This is going to be very different than any other blog post. It’s not about pictures, it’s a very personal story. I am going to be very open, honest and I pray that my testimony in some way helps someone.
Very few people know I was sick with bulimia an eating disorder, from my teen years well into adulthood. Some probably suspected it, some asked me and of course I denied it. I’ve also dealt with depression since my teens, & at times (even recently) major depression. The eating disorder took many years to be healed from with the binging & purging. However, even after that healing I continued to restrict my food intake. There was a constant battle in my mind that I was fat, and thoughts that being thin would make it all okay. I was still sick, even tho the bingeing and purging had stopped. I had dealt with those ‘fat’ thoughts for so long (18 years) that they consumed me.
My brother being killed on June 10th 2010 took me down into major depression that lasted almost 2 years. Having been on anti-depressants in the past, I hated them, I refused to take them again. My body finally started breaking down from years of being malnourished and from the depression. For those that have never experienced major depression, it isn’t just about feeling sad or sorry for yourself. It’s hard to function through the simplest tasks, and your entire body is in pain. I had non-stop headaches and migraines. I took Advil so much that it began making me sick, it tore up the lining in my stomach. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, and was tired all the time. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I shut out my family and my friends. I just stayed in bed, only getting up to do the minimal amount of house work required, do a photo shoot or to sit at my computer. I thought photography made me happy and it did help me….to a point, but it was short lived. God is who I needed to look too, I needed to stop searching for happiness through gratification of others’ opinions in my work. I am a virtuous woman through Christ alone, my identity is in HIM! My husband and kids were wife-less and mom-less. Getting myself together to make appearances in public – at the kids’ school, the kids’ sport functions, at church, with friends..it completely exhausted me. Then I grew very sick, not knowing at the time it was my gallbladder. I reached the point I couldn’t take the pain anymore, from everything. I wanted, I needed to get better, to get out of the dark black hole. See, this is where God was carrying me and I knew He had been for a long time. I was ready to walk beside Him. The doctors took several months to figure out my stomach problem. Before they could figure it out, I was desperate to find a way to help my stomach feel better, so I did a 2 week body detox. This started a healthy diet. No sugar, gluten, dairy, no simple white carbs, no caffeine, low sodium, adding lots of water, veggies, fruit, good lean proteins etc. I decided in April that I needed to make more changes. I wanted to continue with the healthy eating. I began having 5 meals a day and added exercise. I wanted to be healthy & strong, I felt very different in my heart. I was beginning my journey down the road to complete healing from the eating disorder & from depression. I was taking the steps needed to allow God to do a work in me and much, much more.
I did end up having my gallbladder taken out on July 3rd, but it took until June for them to decide it was the culprit. Through the different tests they did to find out what was wrong with me, they found a pre-cancerous polyp in my colon. Proof that if I had not had the colonoscopy, it was highly likely I could have developed colon cancer later in life. I’m only 35 years young.
Back to April. I started a fitness boot camp, it was a great kick start for me. I grew used to getting up early to do my workouts. I couldn’t sleep at night, so getting up at 4:30am to work out was a HUGE challenge in itself. After 4 weeks of boot camp I joined a gym. I began lifting weights and started running outside. It took a good 5 weeks for my body to realize “Oh, okay. I get it.” That first 5 weeks was hard. I kept thinking, “good grief why am I not seeing any differences”, I was working so hard -what a test it was to keep pushing! My body was adjusting to actually having food in it. I weighed 142 in April on my first day of boot camp. I weigh approximately 136 lbs now. Big deal right? ONLY 6 pounds?! BUT, I lost inches of fat and gained muscle. I went down 4 sizes in my clothes. I have had my body fat professionally measured, it’s at 15%. I’m healthy & strong, inside & out! I have only weighed 2 times since I started, I don’t own a scale at home. For the first time in my life I don’t care what the number on the scale says. I used to think I should weigh a certain number and believe me, 136 isn’t even close. I can eat without feeling that I’m going to get fat. There are times that I think “oh that’s bad, I shouldn’t have eaten that”. That’s something I still struggle with, but I’m working on it. I finally believe the entire metabolism concept of : “you’re body is a furnace, you have to put good fuel in it on a continuos basis to keep the fire going!” I make a conscious effort to eat plenty of good protein, good carbs, fresh veggies & fruits, & good fats too! I no longer desire to be “skinny”, those thoughts no longer consume me.
Friends, it feels extraordinary to feel good. I’ve NEVER felt this good. I’ve never been this healthy.
My husband has started exercising with me now! That in itself is an entire testimony. Sometimes our boys go with us when we exercise, it’s brought us closer as a family. When your husband who’s never worried about eating healthy before, and your kids all start making healthy food choices on their own, it’s awesome. The boys see their Dad excercising and eating healthy. It’s incredible to see through their eyes the changes going on. God has more than healed me from depression and an eating disorder. He is restoring our family and my relationship with my husband and my boys. You know that saying “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. It is all too true. I’m stepping out, one foot in front of the other. I’m walking hand in hand with HIM.
God is so good.
I am still healing from the loss of my brother. My husband and I have been dealing with major financial problems over the past 30 months. Things aren’t all peachy keen and perfect, I’m not trying to paint that perfect picture hoax. But I’m back, I’m not rolling over and hiding my face anymore, allowing Satan to win. God is my strong tower – my deliverer, my husband is my best friend and my boys inspire me in countless ways.
I am more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ!
Sweet words from a friend on my testimony: “Praise God for healing and results where spiritual is so big it takes on physical”.
A capable, intelligent and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her?
She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given tasks] and makes her arms strong and firm. -PROVERBS 31:10, 17
1 Timothy 4:8 says physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises reward in both this life and the next NLT
A calm undisturbed mind and heart are the life and the health of the body. – Proverbs 14:30
7 comments on “I. Am. Healthy. I. Am. Strong.”
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Posted on October 27, 2011
Howdy! I’ve pretty much let my blog go by the way side the last 4 months or so.
I plan to get back into the groove of things. To start off things off:
My littlest man turned 5 in Sept. He and I went for a walk, he played while I snapped pics.
He was so good, and gave me a solid 2 hours of just mom and son time. These are from our first hour or so together.
^^^^silliness? orneriness? I think a little of both
Sweet Diego, one of our 3 dogs decided he needed some attention. He hung out with us during
the shoot. Diego loves the boys.
jumping off the hay